(An alleged improvisation by a group of students who have been working on a simplified version of Shakespeare’s plays. published in Arels Journal some time in the 70s.)
Scene: The El Senor Steak House and Pizza Parlor.
MAC BET, LADY MAC BET, HAMLET and JOHN FROM GANT are eating.
(Enter KING REAR, THE FOOL, SHERLOCK, RICHARD NO 3.)
KING REAR: Hello. Been for walk in country. Raining cat and dog.
LADY MAC BET: Hello, boys. Richard, you walking funy.
RICHARD: Got bad back.
MAC BET: Clarnce no coming?
RICHARD: No. Clarnce doing total imersion tonihgt.
FOOL: What is black and dangeros?
(Enter DESEMONDA)
DESEMONDA: Hello. You talking about my husban?
KING REAR: You got problem with husban? Me, is daugthers. Like tooth of snake.
DESEMONDA: Yeah, husban flip. Also many troubles whit laundry. One andkerchif -
LADY MAC BET: That’s remind me. I must wash hands. Where I can wash hands?
HAMLET: In upstairs.
(Exit LADY MAC BET)
DESEMONDA: Hello, Hamlet. Say, you looking depress. How’s your father?
HAMLET: Not so good. Hit the bucket.
DESEMONDA: Oh my good gracios! What’s happen?
HAMLET: Ear infection.
(Enter WAITER)
WAITER: Special tonite, leg of frog and chips.
KING REAR: Leg of frog is OK.
RICHARD: Eye of newt and green salad.
FOOL: Single to Padington.
JOHN FROM GANT: No, at the station is yesterday.
SHERLOCK: For me, sixteen-ounce steak.
MAC BET: I lost my knif.
WAITER: I bring other one.
(Exit WAITER, enter LADY MAC BET)
LADY MAC BET: Hamlet, where your girl frend?
HAMLET: Gone swiming.
LADY MAC BET: I must wash hands.
(Exit LADY MAC BET, enter WAITER with knif)
MAC BET: Is this a knif what I see in my front?
KING REAR: Mac Bet, you got same problem like my frend Glocestour. Trouble with eyes.
SHERLOCK: Who are going to party in afterwards?
RICHARD: Not me. Heating gone to blink in students club. Now is like winter in the discotek. Bloody Englan.
JOHN FROM GANT: No, England is nice place. England is OK. I like England. England is like, how can say, like prety stone in water.
DESEMONDA: You feeling OK, Gaunty?
FOOL: You have temperatura?
JOHN FROM GANT: At the doctors is yesterday.
RICHARD: Gotta go. Look, bloody raining again. Hope bus is coming soon. A bus, a bus, I give anything for a bus.
(Exit RICHARD)
HAMLET: I also gotta go too. Goodnight. See you tomorrow.
DESEMONDA: Goodnight, prince sweetie. We shall meet at Filippo’s.
(Exit HAMLET)
FOOL: Me, too. (Exit, singing) Hey, ho, raindrops is falling in my head.